Boot camp has kicked my butt, whipped my a**, taken me down, left me lying... I'm not kidding. The first ten days, I was so sore I wanted to scream... so tired I struggled to get through the day and was still tired when I went back the next day. I've never been fatter, more out of shape or older (LOL) in my life! Mostly, I think it has been the out of shape issue. Though my state of soreness and exhaustion has given me cause to wonder if I'm not just too old for this stuff anymore.
Truth of the matter is that I know better. After twenty-five years of orthopaedic nursing, I know the value of working out. I saw first hand the difference between people who took responsibility for their bodies and those who didn't. And, for most of my life, I have done a fair job of managing some level of fitness... until the past three years.
I fell off the fitness wagon. Didn't want back on. Screw the wagon. You could say I didn't and haven't taken to aging all that gracefully. Hot flashes, wrinkles, sags, gray, grumpy. None of it good. I didn't like it. I was mad (more than angry, that sprinkled with a little irrational=mad). Then my child moved away... expecting my first grandchild. The wagon didn't look any better.
Sometimes, I would convince myself to give some half-a**ed effort... a beginner's yoga class... water aerobics at the YMCA (thought I was in Cocoon). Weak efforts... not really the wagon.
Finally, I'm ready to get back on... and I can't seem to get a grip on the tail of the wagon!! Monday morning, after a weekend of mostly lying on the couch, the alarm went off at 4 am and I cannot tell you how disheartening it was to wake up and still feel that sore and that tired. I should have been rested. I was not. But, I suited up and showed up. I pretty much had nothin' that morning. I did the best I could. Lots of times the just quit voice whispered in my ear... even through the day, long after the workout. I wasn't sure the wagon would ever be for me again.
Then the miracle Tuesday morning of waking up and feeling the difference... I was still sore... but, I could tell I was on my way back. I'm not sure how to describe that feeling... it is just that I could feel my body beginning to turn itself around... to begin to build again... to grow stronger. It has taken me way longer to feel myself coming back from this than I ever imagined. I took for granted that when I decided to get back in shape, my body would jump right to it... just like it always jumped to a new level for me in years past.
I still have a long way to go.
I am older. I did let myself go to the bottom of the pit. But, I have a toe-hold on the wagon... and, I'm not letting go.
A special thank you to my blogging friends who have encouraged me! I appreciate your support more than I can say! Here's to finding your wagon... and getting back on... whatever it may be!