Friday, April 13, 2012

Into the Rabbit Hole...


It seems once you trip into a rabbit hole, the tumbles continue.  I went into the surgeon's office yesterday expecting to schedule an excision of the lesion on my leg, possibly with a skin graft and then to follow up with the dermatologist at 3 month intervals. 

I came out with a plan to have a radio-detectable injection into the area around the lesion next Friday... a short wait and then the excision of the sentinel lymph node for biopsy... followed by the excision of the lesion to muscle fascia.  The surgeon does expect to be able to close without skin graft (that's good news).  The part, I guess that threw me most, was her insistence that I see an oncologist... it seems that word, that specialty, and all that it implies just threw me farthest into the hole. 

I am regrouped now.  Feel good with the plan.  I have discussed, studied, researched Breslow's Depths, Ulceration, Mitotic Rates and Clark's Levels way more than I would have ever wanted to do.  The part that still leaves me a little shaky is that the biopsy was a 4mm circle; there is probably five times that still left... with an uncertain value on all of those scales.  I will be happy when it is out next week. 

I cannot possibly begin to tell you how much your prayers and concern mean to me.  In an e-mail from Pondside, she stated:  I learned that the prayers of people I didn't even know were like a bulwark for me.  When I couldn't pray myself I was supported by the prayers of others.   Amen and amen.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

**DISCLAIMER**  One more thing about yesterday's post, the GPA thing was mostly an attempt at levity.  I do know some excellent physicians who had less than (not much) a 4.0 GPA.  They tend to be the intuitive, gifted healers.  I also know some people with 4.0s that didn't have a lick of technical or intuitive skill.  The best physicians are the ones with the 4.0 GPA, an intuitive gift and technical skills to match... along a strong faith and acknowledgment of God's ultimate sovereignty.  It is an art as well as a science. 

I apologize for not having visited the past two days... I am hoping for this evening.  You know I'll be having to find out what's going on!  I still shake my head in wonder that this world of blogging has attached me to folks I have never met, but feel like I know.   Thank you again for your concerns and your prayers.

blessings to each of you ~ tanna

50 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

well, at least you know more than you ever thought you would, AND you have a plan of attack. maybe down the rabbit hole, but coming out to daylight on the other side...

(and thank you for sharing that note from Pondside. what a wonderful, uplifting message).

Susan said...

My dear, you are being tested. And yes, all these prayers for you will get you through all this. I love that you are a researcher. It helps you to ask the right questions and to question what you are unsure about. It sounds like patience is another test. We have your back. Hugs. Susan

Scott said...

My prayers will also be with you. I get the feeling that things will go well for you.

podso said...

Hanging with you in this ... Which means checking on you , thinking of you, and praying.

Deborah said...

It is good that you are educating yourself and now have a good doctor. You are in my prayers. Knit something beautiful. It will make you feel better.

nanny said...

I'm glad your optimism has taken over......Mind over body....

We will be waiting anxiously to hear from you.

Chatty Crone said...

I know how it must be and it is normal going up and down in your feelings.

And even though we have never met personally - I feel you are a dear friend.

I will be praying for sure.

Love and hugs,
Sandie

Dana said...

Tanna,
Thank you for the update. I've been thinking about you since I read your post yesterday. I cannot imagine hearing the word oncologist. It would terrify me too. I will be praying for you - for complete removal of the cancer and for peace. Thank you for sharing all of this and for reminding us all to be our own advocate. I've learned a little of that this year on a much more minor level and it's very hard to do. Blessings to you.

Solar Powered said...

I have you and family on my heart. it definitely sounds like you are in good hands and that will be my continued prayer.

i've always said that to be a patient after having been behind the scenes of healthcare is a big challenge.

Swanski said...

I think you have a very good doctor who is being aggressive in her diagnosis. That is very very good! I am still praying for you and have my fingers crossed that you pass all the tests :)

Karolee said...

Hang in there, Girl. I'm praying for you.

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

Dear Tanna, I just read your last post. It amazes me that so many doctors looked at the spot and dismissed it. I'm glad that it is being taken care of now and that you didn't dismiss it yourself.

When my MIL was in the hospital here years ago, I asked the doctors to check all kinds of things that they didn't even consider looking into. I didn't understand their very lax attitude at all. They kept her for three days, gave her a placebo during that time, and sent her home. When she went to Canada shortly after that and went to the doctor there, they discovered she had cancer. Sometimes you just know that something is not right.

My thoughts and prayers are with you for a very positive outcome. Blessings, Tammy

From the Kitchen said...

oh tanna, how did i miss yesterdays post? im sending you prayers as i type. i broke my wrist this am and onlt have one hand. take care and stay in touch.

hugs

best,
bonnie

Christine said...

Your are strong and smart.
I admire your persistence.
I'm learning things from you that I will take down the road with me.

Prayer are being sent up daily.

California Girl said...

Darling Tanna, this is first news for me. You most likely are benign. The words & thoughts are dreadful but thoughts aren't real. Don't go there. It's a waste of heart & energy. That said, my best karma, love&prayers for you.

Wanda said...

So sorry I haven't been by since our time with Aunt Trula's stroke and passing.

My goodness a lot has been on your plate while I was gone. I'm saying prayers for you and I agree with your commenters...you are strong, brave and have deep faith. I know the Lord is going to be with you as he has promised.

BTW ~ Tom (from Tyler) had another stroke, but is recoving good. He will be moving from Texas to Misouri, and having his rehab near his mom and siblings. So thanks for all your prayer for him too.

Pondside said...

The internet service comes and goes, here at the edge of the world, so I have just seen this. Off to take a walk now - pray and walk - it's a good for you and me!

Laura said...

My goodness what news. Jean came by and gave us an update. I'm shocked but thankful for your new doctor.
I am here ready to do anything to help and will be praying for you all. Let me know if you need any yarn deliveries, I'll be at the shop for spin day tomorrow. Hugs and prayers.

Ginny said...

Lord, please be with your beloved child Tanna, and with her doctors. Guide their hands and help them to make wise decisions and get rid of all this. In Jesus name. I am praying for you!!! I know you will come out of this just fine!

Robin said...

Tanna, I am so glad to hear that you feel strengthened and have a direction to focus on with your difficulty - sometimes not knowing is harder than knowing. It sounds like you are in good hands. :) God's peace and strength be with you right now, what you've shared so far is certainly encouraging!

Kerin said...

Tanna..
thank you for letting us know what's going on.
I've been thinking about you and saying prayers that all will be resolved with a healthy outcome.

I knew that you were just speaking about doctors and G.P.A.'s with tongue in cheek; although there is a bit of truth to it :)

Yes.. it is amazing how we can have such wonderful friendships through blogging :)

You're in my prayers.

Debbie said...

Well, girl, you know that Jesus is in that rabbit hole with you, along with our prayers. One of my favorite sayings: Stop telling God, "Hey, God, I have a BIG PROBLEM!" Instead say, "Hey, problem, I have a BIG, POWERFUL GOD! You dare?" Maybe that's some perspective. Lots of people are praying for you. "Fear not, for I am with you." XO

Donna said...

Sweet Tanna, I remember thinking, when my mom was diagnosed, that I was now part of a club that I never wanted to join, but I found out that almost every single member of the club was full of grace and compassion.
So, do remember that you are not alone. You have spread your love far and wide and now it is going to come back to you...lean on us and let us be God's hands for you....even if we are far away physically, we are close to you....closer than you might know.
Love you. Donna

AndeM1 said...

I met with my plastic surgeon today and scheduled for the removal of more of my atypical cells....I am sending prayers your way and will think of you and your strength when I am there next Tuesday..... Bless you for sharing your story...you have given me strength. Take care and know that I too am praying for you

AndeM1 said...

Im having an excision next tuesday. thank you for sharing your story....you have given me strength. Know that I am praying for you.

Buttercup said...

Tanna, you are in my heart and prayers. I had my ear reconstructed -- with a skin graft -- thirteen years ago. It was benign, but I needed plastic surgery. I wear number 100 sunscreen winter and summer and am in a long term clinical trial for people at risk for melanoma. It's an issue very near to me.

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

Lifting you in my prayers...as Aaron and Hur did for Moses when he could no longer keep his arms up during the battle.

Blessings, peace that passes all understanding and healing in Jesus name

Amanda said...

Thank you Jesus for all of these sweet friends. Not in that rabbit hole alone. Love you so big! Xoxo

Leontien said...

Tanna I just left a comment on your previous post, please email me I would love to talk to you, maybe I can help you with some questions you might have. Or anything you need.

Big big hugs
Leontien

Sandi @the WhistleStop Cafe said...

I had to pop in today to see what was happening. It sounds like you are in good hands... God's hands.

Lifting you in prayer.

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

I'm so sorry i'm late in seeing this post and your last one, Tanna! My Mother's house sold and I have been immersed in clearing it out the past few weeks. My heart goes out to you! I am so thankful you finally had a diagnosis and treatment for this melanoma, and that you will be following up with an oncologist. I do believe you caught it early and have wonderful prospects for a complete cure.

Blogging about this, as you are, will help save so many lives as sadly dermatologic exams are not done by many and should be a part of everyone's health maintenance. Reading yoir story will amke many schedule an exam.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, dear friend!

Marie said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Yes, prayers from folks you don't even know are important. Prayers from strangers plus family and friends took me through 30 hours of back surgery in four weeks.
Love!
Marie

Redberry Cottage said...

You are in our thoughts and prayers too. Sending you healing thoughts.

Nina, Myshka, Sasha, Betsy, Lucy, Phoebe and Lily

steph said...

so thankful you have found someone who is really going to stay on top of this---and be with you through the whole ordeal. Prayers still coming your way!

Cindy said...

Add me to the list of "friends" who are praying for you, dear Tanna. I'm sorry, I have been away from my computer and did not read the post prior to this one. God be with you, my friend.
Hugs, Cindy

frangrimes said...

Love & Prayers, Tanna

Kathy said...

I'm just now reading of your struggle. It seems that you have a good handle on everything that's going on. Knowledge is power. Thank goodness you kept inquiring about that lesion. Keep up the good attitude you have!

Leontien said...

Tanna,
I sent you and email back!
And thank you!!!

Big HUGE hugs from
Indiana
Leontien

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I agree completely that medicine is an art as well as a science. I'm currently looking for one of those good intuitive physicians! My cousin had a melanoma removed from her lower leg many years ago, and she has had no recurrence. Sounds like you are in the hands of dedicated doctors and are well informed. Even better you have a whole team of prayer warriors interceding for you! I join them in praying for your complete healing!
xoxo
V

Vickie said...

Tanna, just read your last post. Wow, what a scare. You're so right, we need to listen to our inner voices. I'm SO glad you found a caring, intuitive young doctor. She's right on the money and right on top of your treatment. Consider yourself prayed for, I'll join all the others lifting you up for complete healing, my friend. Thank God that it's been found out and now steps can be taken to fix it!

Catherine said...

Dear Tanna, You are a bright beam of sunshine in our lives. Blogging is a wonderful world of good friends that I could never have imagined. It is a gift.
You are in my prayers Tanna.
Blessing my dear. Catherine xo

Tricia @ saving room for dessert said...

I continue to pray for you Tanna. My sister whet through the same thing, each step sounding more like her experience. Hope you have a peaceful week and feel our love coming your way!

Cheryl @ The Farmer's Daughter said...

Oh wow, Tanna. I've been away from blogland for several days and just have read your post and the last one. What a story! I'm so glad that you finally got the right doctor. It sounds like you caught it just in time. I will be praying for you and believing you will be just fine! Take care!! ((((Hugs))))

Jerry said...

Will be praying too (in fact I already have but will continue to).

Kate I said...

Tanna, your strength, as well as your willingness to be vulnerable, is such an inspiration to us all. We're each strangers here in one sense but the heart knows what the heart knows, and and we know your beautiful heart.

I continue to hold you in my heart as you take this journey back to health.

It's Just Dottie said...

Sweet friend! I am praying for you!!! We serve a mighty God and He hears us when we pray....

Hugs, Dottie

Debbie said...

Tanna, I may be a bit busy for blog land right now, but I am not too busy to be praying. I'm glad to have stopped by so I can know exactly how to this week.

I would feel the same way about the oncologist.

I may have already said this, but I'll say it again: A dear friend of mine taught me to look at intercessory prayer as the privilege of joining an adventure. Her daughter is a two time survivor of childhood cancer. (And by survivor, I mean for over a quarter of a century, PTL.)

The mom called her warriors to what she called "an adventure of prayer". We prayed over ever detail that she asked us to, from doctor selection to scheduling dates for surgeries, to everyday things in the whole ordeal. I learned the blessing of being part of the every day adventure back then because when we got to praise, I got to be a part of that too. IMO, the praise is just sweeter when you were part of the intercession.

I intend to be joining your praise team, too!

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

The blog world...a strange thing isn't it? People you have never met nor probably will yet supporters of YOU!

Artist Terri Smith said...

Dearest Tanna, Your News Within This Post Struck Me Straight In The Heart. I Promise To Begin Lifting Your Name As Soon As I Complete This Note. As I Read Thru Some Of The Previous Comments Here, I Was Again Struck By The Connectedness Of Love, Prayer, And Supportiveness The Blogging Community Represents. A Multitude Of Spiritual Voices Essential In Times Like This. All Of Which To Me Symbolizes You Are Not Alone. I Send You My Commitment To Prayer, My Love & Friendship, Terri

Stacey said...

Joining in with the many others in lifting you up in prayer!

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Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.