For those of you who may not know, for the past four months, my daughter and I started on a mission to thrive. We had both been in spots less than optimal for awhile. Those less than optimal spots were not spots we were accustomed to and we wanted change. Each month we have set goals for ourselves with the intent to thrive again. Our progress has been rewarding.
I hate writing these next words. I have had a setback. As a matter of fact, you could accurately say I have been in survival mode for the past five weeks. On February 20th I had the most incredible run. Muscles, breath and heart all propelled me along with perfect rhythym and ease. I took five minutes off my usual time for a three mile loop. (If you run at all, you know that is a big change.) It felt good. So good that when I came through the door, I gleefully shared with Evan how running had brought me back to the place I had been seeking... a place of thriving. I felt like I had come home to myself. My best self.
Ironically, I ordered a two year subscription to Runner's World magazine and a training log that morning. All the while trying to continue to ignore a left knee that was protesting loudly. By bedtime, the ache keeping me awake was hard to deny. I rested the next day. Tried to rationalize that it was only my increased pace that had cause the ache... while the little voice in the back of my head was trying to tell me the same thing I had been ignoring for a long, long time. I even posted about it last year... the stiffness, the ache that was different than an injury... one that is best served by stopping high impact activity... by stopping running. On the 22nd, I went out for my run. I made my loop, but the denial was impossible.
So, I know it sounds ludicrous to the majority of folks who may read this, but I am deeply saddened by this. Running has been a tool, a crutch, a victory, a friend, a place of prayer... that I just hate to part with. I thought I would run with Little Man (though none of my children were ever convinced to drink the Kool-Aid of running). I feel like I am in a pit with a lion on a snowy day... Tara, thank you for the direction to the book by that name. It is by Mark Batterson. I'm reading it and loving it.
Bottom line is that attitude shapes everything. I'm working on mine again. I am trusting that when one door closes another will open. I am trusting that everything is just as it should be and that for every thing there is a season. But, since I am survival mode, it is back to the lists.. the goals... the one foot in front of another until you are up and running (figuratively this time).
- I am thinking that letting go is a big chunk of the lesson I'm working on right now so... for 15 minutes each week for the next month, I am going to throw away "stuff".
- I will work one half day in the yard each week.
- I will get a bicycle pump, air up my tires and ride my bike at least once a week.
- I will find quiet time to worship the Lord. I will give thanks. I will ask for the eyes to see and the ears to hear and the heart to feel His desire for my life. I will listen. I will look. I will be open.
- I will get back on the path to thriving.
I hope you are all on your own path to thriving... Life is both to short and too long not to get all out of it that God has intended for us! I'd love to hear about your journeys. Thrive on, Sisters!