Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Intention

For the past three years, I've been swimming in a little pond of grief... fluctuating between denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I lost my Dad, my youth (actually happened awhile ago... just now facing that), my period, our dog, and, in many ways, my daughter and grandson. I've given up on some "dreams" or "ideals" of family and friendships. I've drifted from God. I've let my health level fall. Now, don't let this sound like my life is all pitiful. It is, most certainly, not. I am very blessed and enjoy a good life with a wonderful husband. I just haven't been thriving in the way that I have enjoyed in the past. I have struggled... with the grief. I'm ready to move on.

I think I am to a place of acceptance (something in me just rejected that... that's a little worrisome).

I could list a million things that I "should" work on. I need to lose weight, get my cholesterol lower, organize my closets, clean out the cluttered laundry room, organize my desk, work in the yard, get the house power washed, finish the living room make-over, mail thank you notes, etc... etc... But, I need goals to hit closer to the center. Goals to bring joy to every day living. Tammy from Timeless and Tattered made this comment earlier on my blog: I want to make my life mean more. Not just the big picture but I want to see the worth in the small things. I want to do more things with my family - not planned big events but just "live" with my family. Enjoy the moments. I want to breathe them in so as not to let all the good stuff slip away. Basically to quote Tim McGraw- I want to live like there is no tomorrow- EVERY DAY. tammy

I bought a book last year entitled How We Choose To Be Happy by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. According to their studies: there are nine choices that happy people make; the biochemistry of healthy people and happy people is close to the same; and, we can all improve on our level of contentment, capability and centeredness.

The first of these nine choices is: "Intention --the active desire and commitment to be happy and the decision to consciously choose attitudes and behaviors that lead to happiness over unhappiness." That's where I am. I have an intent to THRIVE.


Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I can't believe I just "happened" onto your blog today for the first time! Your post really resonated with me--I am usually upbeat and cheerful and look for the bright side, but these holidays are ending with a bluuuue note! I lost my lovely, precious faithful terrier mix, Wendy, on the 27th - She was hit by a car in front of our home and the grief is hitting me square between the eyes. Perhaps I will post about it later this week. Right now, I am just TIRED. Sorry to hear of your loss of Tess. I'm sure you know how I feel. V.

Jeanette said...

I need the intent also. I have been sad so very long. Your words are very true and I bought that book, How we choose to be happy last year. Never opened it. Maybe I should get it out and blow the dust off it! Happy New Year.

Deb said...

that took alot of courage to share your feelings with us all....I understand where your coming from...I had a big change in my life in 2009...I'm still getting used to all the changes and trying to find out who I really am...not just wife...mother...daughter...but who am I as a person...I'm liking myself more and others are enjoying me more....Here's to a great 2010....

Solar Powered said...

Wow, Noni, that is a LOT for one year for you to bear. I admire you for wearing a smile and always seeming to be so positive even if you are struggling with heavy emotions on the inside. I know you will overcome this year. During a run today (ouch, day 3 of working out) I thought about what makes me thrive. I think I know what I need to change this year.

Solar Powered said...

I don't know how to use the linky! Amanda don't laugh. What do I put as a title? I keep waiting for someone to go ahead of me so I'll know what to do!!! I've thought really hard and I know what my thrive goal is... now on second thought it should be to learn more computer stuff :)

Tammy at Tattered and Timeless said...

Noni- wow rereading my post made me cry all over again which just confirms that it is what I need to do. I am on board with you for this. I may need some help along the way but that is what we are here for correct?
Here is to a "happier" 2010.


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Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.