Monday, September 16, 2013

The Pre-Change Angst...


It is official.  I'm struggling not only with the SIMPLE things.  After having to backtrack TWICE on this new project because 1) I repeated a pattern row twice and 2) I dropped a stitch, the light bulb began to come on

First, I'd had to rip out the Echo Beach shawl I had started.  THEN, there was a record setting eight rip outs of my first simple square!  Not to mention that I've walked off the golf course each of my last two rounds after only 7 holes... yes, it. was. that. bad.

Now, I find myself struggling with this nice lace in a beautiful color (my favorite knitting)!  YIKES!


Truth of the matter is that we are considering some big changes around here... and I generally resist big changes to the point of stressing myself out... even when the changes need to take place. 


In retrospect, my lifetime of pre-change ANGST has always been worse than any change I've ever made.

 
I don't know why I struggle like this... And, I'd like to be able to just stop.  But, until I figure that out, I can expect to be ripping back a lot of knitting.  =(
 
 
Fortunately, I still seem to be able to smoke fall-off-the-bones-comfort-food ribs.  ;)  Unfortunately, when I'm stressed like this... I add on the pounds, too! 

How do you handle big change? 

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
~Henri Bergson

Wishing you a wonderful week.... blessings ~ tanna

36 comments:

Susan said...

Tanna, sending only positive thoughts and hugs your way. I tend to start eating when I am stressed. I also give up on anything positive happening. Even though your knitting is being frogged a lot, it can still be a great way to relax. I love your pottery yarn holder. Have not seen anything like that and will definitely start searching for such a great addition to my hobby. Take care. Susan

Pammy Sue said...

Oh, I can so relate to how you are feeling, both with the ripping out of seemingly simple things and with the angst over change. Don't you hate it when people say, don't worry...everything will work out in the end? Especially when they're right? And it's true that it's rarely as bad as you thought it would be.

Girl, those ribs look terrific! I'd like to gnaw on a bone or two. Hee-hee. My Grandmother used to do that...suck, suck, gnaw, gnaw...and then pick her teeth with a toothpick. Hahahaha! Maybe you had to be there. :)

I'm going to email you something you'll like, and maybe it'll take your mind off of things for a bit.

Pride In Photos said...

Oh Tanna, I wish I had words of comfort for you, but I myself am going through some big changes and it is very difficult. Without my faith...I don't know how I would make it through. Like they say, getting older is NOT for sissies.

Christine said...

I thought ripping out WAS knitting because that's all I've done!
Seriously, I can only cheer you on with this one. "Go Tanna GO!"

Stress? The older I get the more I go down on my knees and pray.
But food is a great pacifier.

It's Just Dottie said...

I do not handle change very well at all. I don't even move my furniture around.I have had two huge life changes in the last ten years not by my choice. It is not easy for me but with God's grace I live one day at a time trusting in His will for me.
Hugs, Dottie

Deborah Hamilton said...

Hang in there. It will get better. I seem to do better in a crisis and it's the little things that get to me. I know...weird.

Cheryl @ TFD said...

I wish I had wonderful words of wisdom to help you. Change is hard, no doubt about it. The only thing I know to do is to hang in there and pray a lot. And comfort food does help! I wish you smooth sailing through your changes, Tanna. Take care! Hugs, Cheryl

From the Kitchen said...

Although I can't relate to your knitting angst, I can relate to big changes. We are thinking of a big change ourselves. One minute I'm for it, the next not so much.
Although it is a positive change, it's still hard to make a decision. Let's stay tuned!!

Best,
Bonnie

Happy Cottage Quilter said...

I don't handle it very well either. And the pounds are piling on!! Which is NOT good :-( But I am sending hugs and encouraging words to you. Things will get better. Hopefully in a short amount of time. I have to keep telling myself, when things look the darkest, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. "Hold on to your Hope for HE who promises is faithful" Heb. 10:23

TexWisGirl said...

i'm with you - i stress, fret and generally expend a lot of mental energy and anguish over what-ifs... bless you...

(thank you for your sweet comment re: my niece. we are both animal lovers, for sure, but she goes beyond to be an activist and advocate for them.)

Donna said...

I wish you could just pass off some of the stress. I would hold some for you. One of those heart and mind disconnects that we have sometimes. Your heart knows and trusts God, but you mind is all atwitter with a million 'what-ifs'?

The ribs being clear down there in Texas? Now, that is causing me some stress!

You are strong and you are loved.
d.

Donna said...

I wish you could just pass off some of the stress. I would hold some for you. One of those heart and mind disconnects that we have sometimes. Your heart knows and trusts God, but you mind is all atwitter with a million 'what-ifs'?

The ribs being clear down there in Texas? Now, that is causing me some stress!

You are strong and you are loved.
d.

Judy S. said...

Put those so-called "simple" patterns in time out. I'm convinced that those are often the worst ones, designed to make a person crazy! Change is scary, I agree, but you gotta admit it keeps life interesting. Sending hugs your way. Go knit something you LIKE!

Deb said...

I don't like change....unfortunately stress makes me pudgy too...

Laura at Beehive Rugs said...

Personally I stink at change unless it is a good one! Lol During the last stinky time I ended up knitting a lot of patterns that looked like potholders. It sounds funny but that was about all I could knit and it was really great. Potholders in delightful colors can be sweet for the soul. Thinking of you.

kathy b said...

Sometimes it seems that if I lose it at the time of the big change I do better in the long run. I dont' make big changes actually. Im a lover of routine, familiar and predictable... but that sounds so boring!


I eat if its a little stress, when its a big problem I do not eat all. I find it hard to eat anyting...that's when I know I need some help....
quite an answer!

Betsy Brock said...

I don't do well either, especially if it wasn't my idea. lol....

I hope you can relax and put everything in perspective. Eat some chocolate and laugh. That always helps. :)

Shug said...

change can sometimes be very difficult and it seems that the older I get, the less I become of friend of change. Take a break and do something fun for yourself....then, perhaps you will be able to get back on track...
thinking of you dear friend..
Shug

podso said...

That is a great quote from Mr. Bergson. I'm on your page. I really dislike change, but always seem to be up for something new (but that doesn't mean major change new.) I guess we learn and grow through our struggles with change, so maybe that's why we still find them hard? Yes they always seem to be fine after the fact. I do love the color of your latest project and hope to try the challenge of your previous square soon.

Hugs to you,

Sharon Lee Smith said...

I've heard it said "fear is the opposite of faith". In reality we should not have anything to fear but that is such a hard one. Just keep knitting and smiling and time will work out all the kinks. It always does.

Sandi @the WhistleStop Cafe said...

It helped me to read all of the words from bloggy friends.
We all need reassurance that change is constant.
Me too!

Sandi @the WhistleStop Cafe said...

It helped me to read all of the words from bloggy friends.
We all need reassurance that change is constant.
Me too!

Mereknits said...

I HATE change, I really do. I can't stand it and I don't adapt very well. My husband rushes into change and thinks I am a bit odd because I don't. If it makes you feel better I have recently ripped out the start of a sweater four times, I think that is a record for me and the new scarf I was going to make is now ripped out too. I can not seem to follow a knitting pattern, crochet is fine but knitting no way. And so guess what I want to do? Knit of course.

I wish you patience, peace and all the answers you need.
Hugs,
Meredith

Pondside said...

I really don't mind change - perhaps because of all those years of moving around in the Air Force. I like the challenge of a new house and don't mind seeking out new activities. I tend to spoil my nights' sleeps with worries about the daily ups and downs of life. I wish I could stop the monkey-brain thing that happens as I try to fall asleep - I keep playing the same reel over and over again, worrying about the little things.
As for ripping out - oh, how I hate to do that!

Annette T. said...

Change is very difficult for me, but usually it always works out for the better. And life is constantly changing for us, even though we may not see it at the time.

I totally agree w/you on the frustration of having to rip things out. I set out one day to knit this simple heart potholder but oh my, it was torn out several times. Made me doubt my abilities as a knitter. So after that simple project I went back to my cables!

You might have to share those ribs w/us, they look so good. Blessings in whatever your changes might be.

Catherine said...

Oh Dear Tanna, I am a creature of habit. Change must come slowly for me.
I am much like you and resist for as long as I can.
I like when things are familiar and get the used and actually worn feeling of comfort.
I hope all goes well and you feel better soon.
The ribs look absolutely delicious.
blessings and a hug, Catherine xo

ImSoVintage said...

It is often the fear of change rather than the change itself that stresses us out. I have learned to embrace change more as I've grown older. It means new adventures. xo Laura

Tricia Buice said...

I am just like this - and find that being a "rip-the-band aid off all at once" kind of girl works better for me. In other words, once I know there is going to be a change - I want to get on with it. Praying for you during this time :)

Debbie said...

Oh dear friend, I can relate so well. I handle change exactly the way you describe: with a lot of unraveling!

Sad that I don't even knit. I just unravel.

I can lift you for the perfect combination of peace and courage, and I will.

Stitchy Mc Floss said...

Yum on the ribs! :) Oh the shawl is going to be so pretty...love the lace and the color too.

Hmmm big changes, I don't do changes well either, but if it's something life altering I usually pray about it. Some times I even just write out all my feelings to get it out of my system, too. You don't have to show anyone what you've written, but it does help to get it out, at least for me.

Sending hugs and prayers your way sweet friend. :)

Tammy said...

It sounds like your concentration is nil at this point which is why you have to keep ripping things out. When I feel stressed or rushed, I started to feel tense and scattered and that's why I start making mistakes or dropping and breaking things. Which is why I tell myself to take it easy, slow down and just breathe. Change of choice can obviously be a very good thing and just taking everything in stride is the best way to handle it. One day at a time, steady as you go. I probably shared this quote before, but love it ... "Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere." :) Sending hugs and blessings, Tammy P.S. That hot pink is so very pretty.

Chatty Crone said...

I think the hardest thing to do is worry about the change - the change - easy....good luck my friend. Hugs.

Catherine Holman said...

I don't deal with change well either and I too eat when I'm stressed. I can almost smell those ribs!

karen said...

praying for less stress and calmer days for you. I do not do well with change, positive or negative. (for some reason your blog dropped off my reader so I apologize I haven't visited)

Take care sweetie!!

Cindy said...

Wow, Tanna, it sounds like many of us are in the same place in life. Big changes are coming my way, too!
If it were not for my relationship with God, I'd drive my husband insane, I know. Because I need routine, sameness day in and day out. I don't get bored with that, I need it... I need my husband to talk to me, talk things through and he goes silent...what do I do? I watch my eating, because like you, I am apt to eat too much, I pray without ceasing (just about) and I go for long walks and listen to soft music. I do all that I can to calm my spirit so I can hear from God and not drive my husband to distraction. Even when I know that everything will be alright, I dread change.
My heart goes out to you...

California Girl said...

Welllll, I drink. Wine. Lots of it.

Depends on what's wrong. What IS wrong? No need to answer if it's too personal.

Seeing a therapist doesn't hurt. It may not help but it doesn't hurt.

Am I giving you ideas? Drinking or shrinking? :)

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Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.